I'm not sure why this blog is such a journal, things that I wouldn't normally talk about seem to have there place here where the world may read them (though I'm fairly sure the world dosn't cause lets face it I'm not that interesting) Anyway I have officially been living in one spot for more than a year. This hasn't happened in about 8 years. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I'm not sure my life is where I want it to be. I feel like I'm going backwards in many ways though I know that I am on a path - one that most days I may not understand - but a path nonetheless. My indifference continues, but there is an added restlessness, a need for change. A change of what I'm not yet sure - space? location? mindset? scenery? paintcolor? shoes? people? Who knows... time will tell. I am unsatisfied in my indifference. My 'lukewarmness' if you will. I recently read some prose that clearly defined what it is that I am feeling, the gist of it was that - standing on a cliff, and on one side there are people struggling and barely hanging on, on the other side, people free, jumping and soaring, and then there is me in the middle. Not struggling with major issues, but not free, and not soaring, not victorious. I have lost much in this battle of the last year and a half. It has left me in the middle. Lukewarm, with lack of vision, and lack of passion. What a gross place to be. But I don't know where my mind is and therefore do not know the course to changing it.... yet anyways. So I will continue. In restlessness, that will inevitably turn to urgency, to move out of the this place of indifference.
I will look on the bright side... and I will look up.
Peace.
