1. Today December 22, 3 days till Christmas
2. I'm feeling less 'Christmased Out' than usual after the craziness of school
3. Work is ok. I don't really want to talk about work. So it only gets #3. Its fine.
4. Little monkey niece turned 3... she is amazing.
5. I have baked three different types of Christmas cookies so far and am not sure if anyone will eat them.
6. I spent most of today watching fairly boring daytime television.
7. Despite some boredom the 'holidays' so far have been good, this has been the first dull day.
8. I think these 2 weeks are going to go really really fast...
9. I just went for a walk in the snow with the frosty trees at night. It was beautiful
10. I get overly nostalgic around the holidays.
11. I wonder often what my life would be like IF....
12. The future still scares me. I'd like it to be a good fear.
13. In general I like my life.
14. Despite this I struggle with happiness.
15. There are many things that I want that I fear I will not get and I need to learn to be ok with this.
16. I have plans for change in the 'New Year' not resolutions... but decisions, they have already been made and have been started.
17. I am indecisive to a fault. I annoy myself with this trait.
18. It causes me to miss out on fun things.
19. Relationships change. They just do.
20. I try to stay in the moment, I often get stuck in the past, or get caught up thinking about the future. Inner struggle for sure.
21. My faith is important to me.
22. Church is a painful struggle for me. I don't see this getting easier quickly or painlessly.
23. Despite this I believe in Jesus... and yearn for just a glimpse of His glory.
24. It is truly by GRACE, and that is the heaviest word I know. It wells up my heart.
25. I don't know what I want for Christmas.... and that annoys people that want to buy me something... haha...
26. My apartment feels really small.
27. Always looking for a house.
28. Getting closer all the time... (at least in my head)
29. I am truly thankful for the people and things that I have in this life
30. I hope i never take these things for granted. Though I fear I probably do.
31. Already to 31... woohoo
32. I wish GRACE and PEACE for all this season.
33. He had a different kind of birth.
34. He had a different kind of kingdom.
35. He wore a different kind of crown.
36. He was a different kind of King.
37. May He reign in our hearts.
38. Merry Christmas.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
The lost post annoyance....
I could have sworn I wrote a long an eloquent post at some point this fall... in fact I know I did, I guess I didn't publish it cause its not here and I'm annoyed by this... it was about church and my journey with it. I wanted to read it again. It held a lot of truth. But I guess its gone. I don't know. And I don't want to write it again. Not right now anyway.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Christmas Already?
Wow I can't believe the last time I posted was summer... thats craziness....
This fall has gone by really quickly. It has been busy. It has had its ups and downs. It has been a difficult transition to the new job. Yes it is going ok. I feel very torn on building relationships though. It was so difficult to leave my last job, because I invested in people and built relationships with people, and I loved my job... then I was ripped from it... and it hurt. So on some level I feel like if I don't build really strong friendships here that would be ok because I have to leave and that might make leaving easier??? Bizarre world inside my head. It is already going to be hard to leave, and I try not to dwell on that fact, though I wonder where I'm going to end up next year. I hope I get to go somewhere to stay... and that I like it... oi.... this thinking about the what-ifs of the future is getting old.
Otherwise. Life. Hmm. No I haven't found a church. Yes. My relationships with friends have changed. Yes. Relationships within my family have changed. It all just seems so out of my control. There is nothing I can do about any of it and it is hard to stay positive sometimes.
Trying to choose joy.
New post soon.... like really soon.....
This fall has gone by really quickly. It has been busy. It has had its ups and downs. It has been a difficult transition to the new job. Yes it is going ok. I feel very torn on building relationships though. It was so difficult to leave my last job, because I invested in people and built relationships with people, and I loved my job... then I was ripped from it... and it hurt. So on some level I feel like if I don't build really strong friendships here that would be ok because I have to leave and that might make leaving easier??? Bizarre world inside my head. It is already going to be hard to leave, and I try not to dwell on that fact, though I wonder where I'm going to end up next year. I hope I get to go somewhere to stay... and that I like it... oi.... this thinking about the what-ifs of the future is getting old.
Otherwise. Life. Hmm. No I haven't found a church. Yes. My relationships with friends have changed. Yes. Relationships within my family have changed. It all just seems so out of my control. There is nothing I can do about any of it and it is hard to stay positive sometimes.
Trying to choose joy.
New post soon.... like really soon.....
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