Well, well, well...it is January (if you hadn't noticed). I'm fairly psyched that the weather has been non-January like lately though. The less freezing winter days the better in my opinion... spring is coming!!! (ok so its a long way off... but whatever). What have I been up to... well I guess the Christmas season is over, the last 2 weeks have been good, some family stuff and a lot of hanging out, it'll be good to work a bit again next week... and to continue the job hunt I guess. Nothing really exciting in my life lately... just continue being bored. Camp was fun yesterday... but I'm definitly feeling old around there, which I am fine with... I'm ok with being an adult and living my own life (or trying too... some days).
What I hope for this year is change I think. Change in me. Change with me. Maybe a change of location (even if it is slight), a change of occupation (A JOB!!!! PLEASE!!! NO MORE SUBBING!!!). Just change. Good Change. Positive Change. I don't know how it will all play out yet, but I'm hoping. My life seems to be very much in a 'wait and see' stall pattern that is frustrating beyond frustrating. My next wait and see moment is on January 16th... so I will continue to 'wait and see'... I will survive this right???
I went to church tonight. It was awesome. I think I have a church home. It is so good. I picked up the sermon on cd from last week... what a blessing. I knew that I was at this church for a reason, and this sermon confirmed things in my life, and my whole attitude toward church just fits. So neat, I'm definitly listening to it again. When I first started going I was in such a low place, drowning and gasping for air. I didn't know where to turn, but I knew I would be accepted, and I knew there wouldn't be too much pressure at Tim and Pam's church, I knew I didn't want 'Church' but I knew that I NEEDED GOD... this place is one that I can go to without fear, I can still be angry, and frustrated, and sad, and confused, and its ok... God is in that place... and I can go as I am, and He will meet me there. It is not all comfortable or easy, I still get angy during sermons, or whatever, but I stay. I want to be one of the teachable, just open to what God wants. I think I can even say that with some honesty... which goes to show how far I have come. I can't wait for the day that I can burn the journal that I have been screaming into since summer, I never want to read those pages again... but I'm not there yet... one day I will burn it... one day when I am good again.
The sermon tonight was on what to believe and why. What is truth. Good stuff... I don't like doing things just because its 'right' (such as going to church)... so this sermon was very real, down to earth stuff... quality teaching... I should get this cd too... cause I don't remember all the good stuff...
Anyway. Rambling.
Looking forward... and trying not to look back.
Happy New Year
