This is what a week off... too much time... and avoiding doing work at all costs gets ya....

Your Hair Should Be Orange

Expressive, deep, and one of a kind.You pull off "weird" well - hardly anyone notices.

What's" Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations.A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you.You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people. Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness.Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.Most things in your life are organized and planned well.But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness.You're generally a friendly and trusting person.But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism.You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium.You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The'>http://www.blogthings.com/thefivefactorpersonalitytest/">The Five Factor Personality Test

You Are a Prophet Soul

You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone.Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people.Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run.No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way. You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle.Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings.A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning.You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/">What Kind of Soul Are You?

not getting out of the car

Decisions, decisions, decisions, that was the title of the sermon tonight.... and I figured... oh great... my favorite topic. I'm not the greatest decision maker out there, I'm pretty lost in this area and completely not good at it at all... little did I know that this particular sermon would stir up so much inside of me, in some sort of re-realization that YES God is with me, and YES I can go forward from here.

So back to it. The gist of the evening? God DESIRES the best for you/me. Does that mean that I will always get the best??? Absolutely not. But that is God's desire. The thing is that it is very much up to us. God dosn't drive the car. I do. Jesus is there in the passenger seat, just waiting to be asked for help or directions or whatever. HE is not going anywhere. I may make a wrong turn, I may go in circles... that dosn't change the fact that God is still there. And that He still desires the best for me, He knows the path I should take, not that I have to backtrack through all of my mistakes and screwups and bad decisions, not at all, I can get on a new route... the best route... the route to a totally devoted relationship with Him from wherever I am. There was a whole visual to go with this.... and I know this is probably hard to follow but I really wanted to write it down tonite.

My path has not always been straight. My path has been fairly messed up the past few years. I have questioned my faith, and in some ways I think I still do. I don't question that there is a God, or that Jesus is real, or even that I am a Christian, but I definitly question what that really means to me and how it is going to shape my life. I was part of a ministry for some time off and on, for about 10 years or so. The last time I worked there was different in many ways, don't get me wrong I look back with some good memories and I definitely have some great friends as a result. But something that sticks out so strongly for me is how profoundly my walk with God, my faith, what I held on to, was changed so drastically, and dramatically so as to bring me to this day almost 3 years later still 'recovering' still figuring it out. It was a milestone that I can't seem to get past, a bridge that I'm stuck on, (insert more sayings here), whatever. It makes me angry in many ways. Angry that I don't know what to do, angry that it is taking so long. I feel so stuck. Its still a ministry that I'd like to be a part of in some way, but why??? Sometimes I think I need to go back, that it will help if I'm there, that direction might come, but I know so definitely that it has absolutely nothing to do with the physical space of that place. Its just a place. Unmoving. Insignificant without people. Its about me. A stuck me. A me that dosn't know what to do next.

God DESIRES the best for me. I need to seek WISDOM from HIM in the decisions that I make. Look to HIM as the director of my steps. Is there faith in me to listen and obey???

I've been thinking a lot about the future. What I want to do. Where I want to go. Options for where I want my life to go from here. There are many. But I hold back. There have been 2 different opportunities that have made themselves known to me, both still using my teaching, but I don't have direction, and I don't know how to find it. Do I really want to live on the other side of the world?? Can I do the 'living by faith' as far as finances go?? Seeking His wisdom sounds great, but I feel I may be searching in vain (I know its a promise.... ask for wisdom and it WILL be granted....) again. Faith. I look back to when I was in YWAM, I am so different now, I'm disappointed that I am not that person anymore.

I know I push God away. It hurts me that I do. But I do. I am so unworthy of Him.

So I continue to spin my wheels at a crossroads. Funny how when I hit the ditch earlier this week I thought nothing of calling my earthly father to come and get me out and pointed back in the right direction. How is it then that I feel I can't ask my heavenly Father for direction and help as well?

I'm not sure I make sense to myself, so I don't expect to make sense to anyone who may be reading this, but my brain was just full tonight and I needed to unload some of it. Even if it was perhaps a bit too honest to share.

So I'm in the car... pointed in some direction... is it the right one????? Or do I need to make a turn???? I suppose that's the question. I guess I just need to continue to remember that God is not getting out of the car. Maybe I should ask.