God is not going to give me more than I can handle. This is the message that hit home for me tonite at VFC. The message was good, a life story, a journey. It definitely helped me to reflect on my own jouney, and realize (again) that I am not alone. I am not the only one who struggles with this journey, this life. Yes I am in a struggle with God, yes I am in a struggle with my own faith and where I stand, yes I am in a struggle seeking the next step, the missing piece to the puzzle, the step towards where ever it is that I am headed.
My job right now makes me a little crazy. I am stressed. I leave defeated some days (though thankfully not all days). There are challenges and new situations to be faced every single day. It is exhausting. I care about what I am doing and the people that I am affecting and I think that makes it even more stressful. I want the best. I am learning about myself. I am changing. I'm not sure if its a good change or a negative one, and its possible that it is a little of both. It is very difficult to try to meet everyone's needs when there are so very many. This job has 'pushed' me closer to God, because I CAN NOT do this on my own. There is no way. Without God as the one who takes my cares and my troubles, who hears my pleas... I would be lost.
I don't know what is next. The feeling is not comfortable. All I know is that there is MORE. I don't know how to get it, or where I will find it, I don't know the path that I will take to get there. In the testimony shared tonite it was 2 years of prayer and the same answer before anything came to fruition, until things came together. I suppose there is something to be said for persistence. I'm not sure I'm in a place where I can pray that prayer where my life is surrendered, all of me surrendered. I'm not sure it would be honest. Its a scary prayer. Even with the assurance that God will not give me more than I can handle... I may be stretched, but I won't snap.
I need to hold on to that for the next 2 months... to get me through... fur survival purposes. To not just exist but to do what I need to do with conviction and strength.
Stretched. And near (in my opinion anyway) my limit.
